iam eating so so much

as i type this iam munching on my second packet of tong garden coconut flavoured peanut(which is up there with sliced bread and coffee btw), while i wait for some banana bread to bake.
don’t even ask me about the bujia i consumed before this. or remind me of the fact that i had lunch just an hour before the snacking commenced.
lunch was healthy oatmeal i just add.
i have never shied away from eating. been a foodie and always will be. has it resulted in having a less than healthy body. yes. unlike my sibling who has a lean stature, iam well formed, shaped and ever expanding.
but recent years I have worked so hard on losing weight. mostly because i don’t want to knees to creak so loud they wake the dead. iam not aiming for size zero. (rofl).
iam not even aiming to be flat abs and muscled fit.
the goal is to not put on any additional weight, be fit enough to climb stairs without requiring oxygen support and to have knees that are my own and not bionic.
so healthy eating is mostly balance. it’s about enjoying that cake while adding stevia to my everyday lassi. it’s about eating biryani but making sure i have more protein than carbs.
it’s about working out. the right way. which i have. but the past few days have been horrible cuz I’ve been crutching on food to cope with my absolutely charred state of productivity while still turning to churn out work everyday.
it funny how few years ago, it was about taking mini breaks and intra day vacations and now like has become “let’s finish this and then relax” and that just doesn’t even happen.
burning out and fast.
iam waiting on some new coffee which i hope will cheer me up.
just random rant-it-out. cuz iam hoping few years down the line, i will be in a better mental space wrt to my eating and fitness and read this and laugh.
i would be in a worse mental space wrt to my eating and fitness and read this and laugh.