i smile. i scream

it’s not difficult to crack what’s faulty,
natural progression of life.
it’s not easy to fix it all yourself,
sometimes not even with help.

this moment is inevitable,
don’t be caught up in the past.
this moment is inevitable,
don’t be anxious of the future.

how do you ignore,
the cracks of the past?
as they widen each day,
with insecurities of the future?

the pretence of indifference,
the false bravado,
the smiles while i scream.
the screams while i smile.

the frailty of mind is mine,
the cause is not.
the worms that feed are mine,
the comfort i seek is not.

i don’t like it, this reconstruct of me,
the screams that slip through,
the smiles more pasty.

just hold me once,
breathe me in,
tell me it will be alright,
even if it won’t.
it’s comfort i seek,
however false, however fleeting.

iam not strong,
cracks all over.
iam not brave.
tears flow awry

love isn’t enough,
it doesn’t warm me anymore
the cold in me,
only seeks the warmth of your comfort.

i don’t like me, what has become of me,
with no one to blame but me.
i smile through my screams,
until iam dust.
i smile through my screams,
until iam no more.

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